As humans, we naturally use assumptions to navigate the world. Assumptions are fast and convenient, but rarely perfect. Judging others as egotistical might feel satisfying, but it offers little use if we need to influence change. If I said to someone whom I wanted to be more transparent, “Hey, you. Stop being so egotistical,” I suspect it may backfire.

As leaders, we need to understand, motivate and influence large, diverse groups. Not everyone who hides a mistake has a massive ego. I didn’t hide my report card as a kid because of my arrogance. This is where empathy and perspective taking become more than a nice-to-have, soft skills. If we want to be a leader worth following we need the capabilities to really understand what drives people. To know why people do what they do.

Exploring with empathy

Sadly, many papers written on empathy focus on why it is important, but not how to apply it. This is why as a speaker and trainer on empathy, I developed a Perspective Taking Tool to make empathy practical. Here is how it works: Write the behaviour you're trying to understand in a box in the middle of a sheet of paper: “People not owning their errors.” Then, to the left, brainstorm rational reasons for this behaviour, for example:

Didn’t know it was an error worth talking about.
Unsure of how to speak about issues.
Don’t have the capacity to fix or redo the work.
Had no idea an error was made in the first place.
Don’t know who they should speak to.

Whether or not you find these compelling reasons or not doesn't matter. The point is to get outside your own narrow perspective and consider what might be driving others.

Next, to the right of the box consider potential emotional drivers:

Fear of losing their job.
Embarrassment of making mistakes in front of peers.
Arrogance or egotistical beliefs.
Concern for the impact it will have on others.
Guilt or shame about making the mistake.

In this list, you can already see a diversity of drivers ranging from arrogance at one end to fear and shame at the other. Again, these may not drive you - but this is not about
you, it is about understanding others. Imagine accusing someone of being an egotistical jerk when they are already burdened with guilt heavy on their shoulders.

We can also examine macro-structural or policy drivers: regulatory scrutiny, hierarchical reporting lines, internal competition, reward structures and punitive rules. Consider cultural drivers: avoidant cultures that fear conflict, aggressive cultures that blame and ostracise failures, or the ‘only good news’ cultures that sweep issues under the rug. Finally, social influences - the reactions and perceptions of peers, customers and especially managers. How a manager reacts to the first issue raised sends a strong message to everyone on what they should do when the next mistakes happen.

Changing our minds first to influence others

Stepping back, there are many reasons people don’t take ownership of mistakes and it may be more than one. Being right though is not the point. The goal isn’t to land on the reason or accept the behaviour as inevitable. Errors will occur and we need to address them - but with more empathy for people, we are better placed to lead and influence change.

This is the power of empathy. It isn’t a soft skill, it is challenging. It isn’t being nice; it is seeking understanding. Empathy is the ability to explore diverse human behaviours with curiosity rather than judgement. To break out of assumptions in search of more. Empathy helps us build teams, organisations and communities with more trust, connection and commitment.

In a world where algorithms are being deployed rapidly to automate decisions, reinforce biases and accelerate our judgmental nature, it will be those who develop and embed empathy as a strategic capability that will create sustainable competitive advantage. Empathy is no longer a ‘nice to have’; in our modern world, it is amongst the most valued human skills we have left.

Daniel Murray, author of The Empathy Gap, is a keynote speaker, trainer and consultant who helps senior leaders and their teams unlock performance by leading with empathy, building trust and fostering a high-performance culture.